Throw us a bone here please

When I look at Michael, how tired he looks, and when I get up in the night for a toilet trip and see that he is lying awake, I wonder how long it is going to take for him to crack.

It worries me so much. His dad cannot even get out of bed into his wheelchair anymore. Michael goes there every morning and every night to help him. In between, he runs around for them and is still single-handedly running the business. He takes on so much. I am sure I would do the same for my parents but I worry so much about him. This thing with his dad is all-consuming, and it is impacting on our whole family.

I have developed shingles along my neck and on my left shoulder. The doctor says it’s from stress. I didn’t think I was stressed but I guess I am. I suppose the body has a way of defying you. I am in terrible pain. It’s a deep nerve pain. Shoo… but all I can have is panado. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I am just relieved that it cannot affect my baby.

We went to Jana’s mom’s funeral yesterday. So sad for Jana to have lost her mom. They were so close, and Jana has just had another little baby. Everyone wants their mom with them at times like this. And she suffered so much. She died a slow and painful death. The cancer literally ate her up.

It made me wonder about Michael’s dad and what’s going on with his body. How long will his body be able to carry on? What is it that is causing it? Will he ever be functional again? What does the future hold and when will it be us holding his dad’s funeral? I know Michael was thinking the same thing when they carried Jana’s mom’s coffin into the church.

What’s happening to his dad is so sad and so demoralising. I know it’s hard for them. I know Michael’s mom is taking strain but she isn’t helping the situation at all. She is crumbling and I believe she is making herself sick. I wish she would be stronger. She doesn’t realise what added burden she is placing on my husband by being this way.

Today I feel so desperately tired. I can’t imagine how Michael feels. I just wonder when things are going to get easier for my husband. He has so much on his plate trying to care for his parents and run a business. He is so distracted and so consumed by this drama. I don’t think he even realises that our new baby boy will be here in seven weeks.

Ah… I got to hold Jana’s baby Elizabeth (named after her mom) yesterday. She is so lovely. You forget how small, fragile and un-coordinated they are. I can’t actually wait to hold my squirmy-wormy baby.

On the way home from fetching Cameron from my parents after the funeral, he was all smiles telling me about how brave he was having his measles injection –although it was sore, he says, he didn’t even cry. Looking at his bright face in the rear view mirror I just thought how when everything else in life seems to be getting on top of me, I look at my precious boy and I realise that nothing is so bad that you shouldn’t be able to smile.

Ketchup

Well I am really no good at this blogging thing am I? It’s been ages since my last post. I have just been so busy. But, being busy is nice so I am not complaining.

I went for my 30 week check up yesterday. Everything is going fine with our bubs. He weighs around 1.6 kilos now. I have just eight weeks until he arrives as my gynae is going to induce me on the 18th of December.

Time is just flying by. I can’t believe how fast it has gone. At the same time, it couldn’t have gone all that quickly because so much has happened since I found out I am pregnant. Strange how time can go so fast and so slowly at the same time. I can’t say it has been a terribly easy time either.
Michael’s dad’s condition has deteriorated so immensely since the start of the year and seems to have progressed at an alarmingly rapid rate since he was first hospitalised in July. Since then, he has been back in hospital twice. The last stint, he was in for three weeks. He is now wheelchair bound and so weak that he can hardly manoeuvre himself in and out of his wheelchair to get into bed or onto the toilet. His upper body is also losing strength and his hands shake.
The doctors are still unsure of what is causing his paralysis and other symptoms. He has been for countless tests. They are treating him for two different things at the moment. The first diagnosis of transverse myelitis (a disease of the spine) has been discarded because he didn’t respond to the treatment and the disease did not follow the typical disease progression. He is due to go for an angiogram tomorrow.
His mom is also not in the best shape. She has literally shrunk to half her size from the stress of it all and she has developed arthritis and chillblanes in her hands which have rendered her unable to do much with them.
It is hard to watch Michael worry so much about his dad, and because neither of his parents can drive, he has to do all their running around – from grocery shopping, to trips to the hospital and pharmacy, and then everything to do with the business. He is also trying to fix up their house to sell – it’s too big for them to cope with in the condition they are in. It is so bizarre how everything has spiralled like it has in such a short space of time. Michael has aptly termed it “a mess”. I wonder when it will start to get better.
One of the highlights of the past month has most certainly been the arrival of my new yorkie baby in my life, Duke. We brought him home on the 24th of September so he’s been with us for almost a month. He is so beautiful and so perky. My heart feels like it could burst when I look at him. Tyson surprised us by accepting him. Yes, there were a few hair-raising moments where Duke was irritating Tyson and he got snapped at, but now things have settled down and Tyson, in spite of himself, has warmed up to Duke and plays so gently with him. They race around the garden and Duke barks with glee.

It reminds me so much of when Gizzy and Tyson were puppies. I can still hear Gizzy’s bark in my mind. Losing him was so devastating for me – nothing like losing a human life I am quite sure. Still, it was very hard for me. Duke makes me feel happy all over again. And, to think that I have a husband who understands how much I loved Gizzy and the great sense of loss I felt when he died that he drove me to Cullinan to find this little guy – just to make me happy. I am truly blessed.


Since I last posted, two of my friends have given birth to their daughters. Congrats to Jana on the arrival of baby Elizabeth and Candice on the arrival of baby Alexis. It seemed like we fell pregnant quite quickly one after the other. Now that their babies are here, I realise I am next in line.

I am looking forward to our little boy arriving. Cameron can’t wait either. He’s always asking me when his baby brother is going to hatch. Still have so much to do before he comes though. I hope time continues to fly and go very slowly at the same time. That way, I will be meeting my baby really soon but I will still have time to get everything done that I need to get done before December.