The foreign body in my house

I hate to start my blog off on a bad note. See I have been wanting to start a blog for ages and just havent gotten around to it. And, sadly the reality is that it is a sleepless night (the second one this week) that has finally given me the boot up the bum to do it!

Last night my mind was racing and I was gripped with fear - fear that one day I will have my mother-in-law living with me permanently. I lay awake from 10:30 when I got into bed, until 2:oo - well that's the last time I looked at the time on the alarm clock!

See this week started innocently enough. Monday wasnt a bad day at all. Gizzy seemed to be doing much better and he was finally eating without vomiting. He also barked with gusto at Martha for the better part of the day. I thought he ws on the mend - which I was elated about since my research into spirocerca lupi (Oesophageal worm) following this horrific diagnosis on Saturday had left me in tears for most of the weekend about whether or not he had much chance of survival.

Things took a turn for the worse at 23:00 on Monday night. My precious dog started salivating and vomiting bile. He was so weak that he kept falling off the bed and he was so restless I couldnt keep him still. Everyone who knows me will know how much I love this dog. I thought he was going to die, right there and then, in my house on a freezing cold July morning. I stayed awake with him all night wondering when he would take his last breath. Thanks to the grace of God, he didnt. And despite a treacherously long night, he made it to the next day. I was haggered. I hadnt slept and I had cried for most of the night.

Sometime in the early hours of the morning, Gizzy had made it to Cameron's room. I followed him there to find him lying by the heater. I decided to leave him there because I knew he was cold - he was shivering - and I hadnt been able to keep him still even in wrapped in a blanket. A while after that, I noticed the electricity had gone off - the glow of the alarm clock numerals had been extinguished.

Without so much as a cup of decaf coffee (there was no power to boil the kettle), I raced to my mom to drop Cameron and then back home to fetch Michael and a very sick Gizzy. We arrived at the vet within minutes of them opening. Gizzy was shaking profusely and his head was veering to one side in a most alarming manner. I cried as we explained the night's ordeal to the vet. She decided to keep him there for monitoring and told me to call at 17:00 that afternoon for feedback on his condition. I noticed (through my tears) when walking out of the vet that their power was on!

At home Michael discovered that it wasnt the neighbourhood that had gone down - just our house. The reason: Gizzy had tripped our electricity by chewing clear through Cameron's oil heater cable. He was lucky not to have been shocked to death.

Michael couldnt stick around. He had to rush to work and then onto his folk's house to pick up his ailing dad and take him to a neuro surgeon - he is (was) unable to drive. He has been suffering from lameness in the lower part of his body for months. Through a combination of fear (not wanting to know what's wrong), stubbornness and incorrect diagnosis from his long-standing GP, he has let his condition spiral downwards until on Friday last week, with the realisation that accupuncture and massage was getting him nowhere, he decided to go back the the doctor. His normal GP was sick, once again by the grace of God, so he saw another doctor, who immediately suspected a nerve problem and referred him to a specialist.

So on the day that Gizzy got booked into hospital so was my father-in-law. The neuro surgeon wanted him in hospital for tests and scans - no delays, no argument.

That evening I called the vet for an update on Gizzy. He hadnt vomited again and hadnt been salivating either - good signs. However, he wasnt eating and was diplaying some strange neurological signs (tremours, head veering to one side, back arched when walking) that were concerning her - such signs cannot be attributed to spirocerca. She wanted permission to conduct blood tests on him and recommended that he stay overnight. I suggested that the nervous signs he was showing could be due to the fact that he electrocuted himself the night before. Gizzy is also by nature a highly-strung chap. He is known to shake when he is stressed or unhappy. He is also kown to go on hunger strikes when we arent around.

Neverthless, I was worried too. Plus I needed a good night's sleep. I thought if he's in there, I wont have to watch over him all night. I need to rest. I am 17 weeks pregnant after all.

Michael returned from the hospital at about 18:00 after taking his mother (who doesnt drive) to the hospital with packed bags and supplies for his dad. While we were eating the phone rang - it was my mother-in-law; the MRI scans show a strange mass on father-in-law's spine; maybe a tumour; maybe not. Michael starts scratching his head. Tears begin to well up in his eyes. I hear him suggest that his mother comes to sleep the night. I understand - no one wants to be alone when they have received news like this. He gobbles his dinner and rushes off to fetch her.

I am so tired by the time she arrives, I can hardly keep my eyes open. My eye lids and cheeks are blood red and swollen. The events of the day and the night before are taking it's toll. I need to sleep - desperately. Nevertheless, I sit in the lounge and discuss father-in-law's condition and try to console mother-in-law and husband. It's the right thing to do. Can't be rude. It's who I am.

As the following day unravels, father-in-law is moved to another hospital in Pretoria because he cant be treated where he is - adding more fear and dispair to an already dark situation. I just knew there and then that mother-in-law will be with us again tonight. And shame, why not?

Gizzy (again by the grace of God) comes home that evening. His blood tests are all normal and he is no longer showing strange neurological signs. I am no vet but I would say that chewing through an oil heater cable might cause a tiny specimen like Gizzy to behave uncharacteristically. The vet explains that we need to expect bad days. He is has a long road to recovery, he is on this medicine for six weeks and he is going to go through stages of pain and discomfort. We must be prepared. She lets us take us home at dinner time, urging us to monitor him for any strange neurological signs - which, should they emerge again, will require further investigation.

Good news, Gizzy is home AND we hear that father-in-law doesnt have a tumour. The doctor feels confident that it is some kind of swelling / collection of fluid on the spine that can be treated with medicine. He has had a lumber punch and is doing much better.

So, although father-in-law is a sick man, he isnt terminal. No need to fear the worse. Everyone can rest peacefully that night. I think: maybe she will go home tomorrow.

Six days later, she is still here. I cant understand why. I am an independent kinda gal. Obviously I have my times where I need to be with people, when I need comfort, company and support. The thing is, I know where I live. I like my own home. When all is said and done, I would rather be in my own house, surrounded by my own things than in someone else's house. I expect most people are the same but they dont seem to be.

She could go home. There's no reason why she shouldnt. But she is still here. I am still cooking for her, I still cant watch TV in my own lounge in my jammies and I am bitter as all hell that my husband cant see that I am a little put-out by having a foreign body in my home. I cant voice it directly. That would be insensitive. I dont want to upset him or make him think his mother is unwelcome. It's not who I am.

Look dont get me wrong. I dont mind mother-in-law. She's not one to dispise like other mother-in-laws I know. But she can be a chore. I dont want to live with her. I cant be myself. I cant relax. Would he like to live in close quarters with my mother?

I know I might be getting ahead of myself and I think that it is the fear of the future that is making me most unhappy about her being here!!! But I cant help but think that this week, this intrusion, is a glimpse of what's in store for me in the future.

Michael's paternal grandfather passed away when Michael was a tiny baby. On his death bed, he requested that father-in-law take care of his mother. She moved in immediately and never left. She lived with them until she died.

Will history repeat itself here in my house? Is this what is in store for me when father-in-law is no longer around one day?

Mother-in-law doesnt drive. She is not independent. She doesnt have many friends. Who will she depend on? Who will drive her to the shops? Will she live on her own? Will it be my hubby who is called to these duties when father-in-law passes one day (hopefully in a very long time)? Will he make her his full responsbibility and move her in permanently?

I am telling you now that our marriage will not survive if he does. I will bow out gracefully before it turns me into a bitter and angry bitch.

And that's why I couldnt sleep last night