I will forever hate July

So... the good news is that my mother in law has moved out. My father in law has been discharged from hospital so she's home (where she should be) taking care of him. I must say last week really took it out of me. It wasn’t this event – her staying with us – that bothered me, but rather the glimpse of the future that it gave me. I am scared for what might be when Michael’s dad passes one day.

I ended up broaching the subject with Michael. I had to. He found me crying at my desk on Sunday. I was at the end of my tether. I am pregnant and I had had too many sleepless nights in one week. I was just exhausted.

He had just ferried his mother home to do a few chores so we had our house to ourselves. I had been on the phone to my sister told me that I must talk to Michael. She said she has a book on building a successful marriage and there’s a whole chapter on this sort of thing. Couples should discuss before they get married whether or not parents will be taken in once one of them has died. She says that in the book the women says couples should agree on this kind of thing before they marry – just as they should be on the same page about whether or not to have children.

So he asks me what’s wrong. And I thought stuff it, I am bringing this up now because I have a right to. It’s upsetting me no end and I am not even sleeping at night because of it. I sob the way through it and tell him how I feel and that it’s not her staying with us now that is a problem (although it is) but the thought of her living here once his dad has passed.

He says he will never let that happen. He saw what it did to his parents to have his gran living there. He says his mom has always said she would never do that to Michael and Graham.

But you know, when your need not to be alone is so strong, you don’t care about anyone else. When she is faced with the world by herself, she won’t care about what it would do to us. She will just want support and want to feel safe. I don’t think she would live on her own.

Michael says he understands how I feel and isn’t cross with me for discussing it. Says it is an important discussion. He says that he and Graham are going to be sitting down with their folks once his dad is better to talk about selling that big house and getting something smaller. So, that’s the end of that sorry tale – for the time being anyway.

I have to be honest though, last week took it out of me. And when it ended, I thought – well at least that’s over. This week will be better. As it turns out, it hasn’t been remarkably better.

Gizzy is still a very sick dog. Since Tuesday, he’s been heading downhill. He can’t keep down his food and he seems to be in pain. Yesterday, he wouldn’t eat or drink and was so exhausted from just wondering aimlessly around in slow motion. Michael called the vet and picked up some pain medicine. We gave him his pain meds but last night he was in a similar state as he was last Tuesday when I had to leave him at the vet – I guess the medicine needed time to work. At about 11pm, he collapsed on my lap – finally in a peaceful sleep. He seems much better today. He’s eaten and he is moving around at a normal speed.

The vet warned us to expect bad day – but jeepers when she said bad – she meant BAD.

Cameron has also been testing the limits with me this week. I think he can see that I am not on top of my game and he’s praying on it, like a lion stalks the weakest buck at the watering hole.

But, I am still standing. When I look back on July 2009, I will remember it as one of the most trying and tedious months of my life. Thank God there’s only a few days left of it. Roll on August (my birthday month) and bring on the good stuff. It’s time for a change!