Gizzy, I will love you and miss you forever

My precious little dog, Gizzy, has been laid to rest. Saturday, 1 August was his last day. July was a long hard month for him too. I am heartbroken and I cannot stop crying. He was my precious baby dog. I cant sleep properly without him on my pillow. I used to roll over at night and feel for him. He was so soft and fluffy. He was always at my feet, followed me around like a little soldier. And that’s what he was right until the end.

Even on his last day, he tried not to show how horrible he felt and how un-coordinated he was. Like a little bambi, but instead of trying to walk on wobbly legs, he’d look up at me and beg me to pick him up, which of course I did. He spent almost the whole day of the last day of his life on my lap. He snuggled into me and I just held him and sat on the couch watching movies. Luckily it was a rainy day and we had no plans to go anywhere. I would never have forgiven myself if we had been out all day. I am so glad that I was there for him on his last day.

By the evening, he couldn’t really balance and had hardly eaten or drank anything the whole day. While he was sitting on my lap, he was making a laboured whimpering noise, which was exaggerated when I moved him. I don’t know if he was in pain but I think so. Then he wanted to go to Michael so I put him on Michael’s lap and I was in my office when he came in saying we needed to get Gizzy to the vet. He was whimpering quite loudly and he didn’t look good. When Michael put him on the floor because he thought he wanted to go outside for a wee, his little legs could hardly hold him up. They kept sliding apart.

So we rushed to the vet. It was just after 17:00. I had him wrapped in a towel. He was so small. He didn’t even try to move while we drove – usually he is all over the place in the car. I kept telling him that I love him very much.

When the vet saw his condition, she said it looked like his balance and coordination was off. The meningitis that he had was an inflammatory disease that affects the nervous system. Basically, his brain could not send messages to the rest of his body. He was uncoordinated and confused. His eyes looked lifeless. He just stared blandly in front of him. At the same time, it looked like he had had a fright. It broke my heart to see him like that.

She said that we had done everything that we could for him. He obviously had the type of meningitis that cannot be treated because even though he was on corticosteroids, his condition was deteriorating. There is no other treatment for the disease and he was on a heavy dose as it was. She advised that we put him to sleep.

Michael stayed with Cameron in the reception and I stayed with Gizzy. The vet took his tiny paw and administered the injection. I brushed his hair out of his eyes and told him I loved him. I kept my hand on his little body until she said he was gone. I didn’t even realise when he’d breathed his last. He still looked exactly the same. I put my face into his fluffy neck. I wanted to smell him one last time but my nose was so blocked from crying I couldn’t smell anything. I closed his eyes. She wrapped him in a blanket and that was it – all over.

My heart is broken into a million pieces. I loved that dog like I have NEVER loved another animal in my life. I don’t know how I will ever get over this. I am lost without him at my feet. I miss the way he used to dance in circles when I arrived home from being out somewhere. He was the most perfect yorkie I have ever seen. I cant stop crying. How will I ever get over this?